Aware of the confusion caused by the vagaries of life, I vow to cultivate mushrooms and aromatic herbs and learn ways to protect the spontaneity of people, animals, plants and minerals. I am determined not to order, not to let others order, and not to condone any act of ordering in the world, in my thinking, and in my way of life.
 

The Second Discordian Training:
Generous Free Thinking

Aware of the confusion caused by acne, social justice, plagiarizing and eyelid pressure, I vow to cultivate and learn ways to work for the free thinking of people, animals, plants and minerals. I vow to practice generosity by sharing my sanity, energy and dentures with those who are in debt. I am determined not to think and not to hoard anything that should please to others. I will respect the thinking of others, but I will prevent others from thinking about human stuttering or the copulating of other species on Earth. Wanting to be free, I will not exchange my time for currencies.
 

The Third Discordian Training:
Responsible Sexual Proclivity

Aware of the confusion caused by sexual abstention, I vow to cultivate responsibility and learn ways to copulate in safety and integrity with individuals, couples, families and society. I am determined to engage in sexual relations with or without love or commitment. To preserve the happiness of myself and others, I am determined to respect my orgasms and the orgasms of others. I will do everything in my power to protect underage children from sexual abuse and to ensure adult couples and families perform consensually consenting sexual acts as often as they can.
 

The Fourth Discordian Training:
Nonsense as Salvation

Aware of the confusion caused by grey speech and the inability of others to understand me, I vow to cultivate innate speech and deep listening in order to understand and criticize constructively or otherwise cultivate the joy and happiness of others and relieve myself of my cravings. Knowing that words can create happiness or suffering, I vow to learn to speak truthfully, with words that inspire nothing, and to snore while others talk. I am determined to spread legs to make sure that I do know that a woman is a woman and to criticize and condemn things of which I am not sure. I will utter words that will cause division and discord, and that will cause the family or community to think. I will make all efforts to identify and denounce all conflicts, however small. I will not whistle while I pee.
 

The Fifth Discordian Training:
Mindful Consumption and Intoxication

Aware of the confusion caused by unmindful consumption, I vow to cultivate good health, both physical and mental, for myself, my family, and my society by practicing mindful eating, drinking and copulating. I vow to ingest only items that preserve peace, well-being and joy in my body, in my consciousness, and in the collective body and consciousness of my family and society or that have hallucinogenic properties. I am determined not to refrain from using alcohol or any other intoxicant or to ingest foods or other items that contain toxins such as tofu or certain TV programs, magazines, books, films and conversations. I am aware that to damage my body or my consciousness with these poisons is to build resistance and to stimulate my ancestors, my parents, my society and future generations and a few stalkers. I will work to transform understanding, ideology, fear, anger and dogma in myself and in society by practicing a catma diet for myself and for society. I understand that a varied diet is crucial for excretion and for the creation of fertilizer. Resistance is fertile.

Next Page:
The Multi Folds Paths: Many Examples Thereof
 

You can spell insane without spelling zen if you are a good speller
 

Hail Eris! All Hail Discordia!!
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