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Discordian Koans or The Te Chings of Chaos Prepared by Hooflonj Poo Atma-Windu, MRNET, Legionnaire of the Grand Cabal of the Immanentizers of the Grenzsituationen .

Omar said: "The past and future Discordians, both are your servants. Who are
you?"

Hooflonj Poo's comment: If you realize clearly who hir is, it is as if you saw
your own turd floating away on a serene peaceful stream. There is no need
to ask anyone whether or not it stinks more for them than for you.

     Do not flirt with your best friend's underage sister.
      Do not adulate his mother's ass.
      Do not argue his father's drinking.
      Do not masturbate with this man's penis.
Particularly if your best friend is your brother.

 

Koan XVY ^--><^-- Proceed to the Top of the Heap

Omar asked: "How can you proceed on from the top of a five tonnes heap of flax?" Mal2 said: "One who sits on the top of a twenty-three tonnes heap of
flax has attained a certain smell but still is not handling the Chao
freely. He should proceed on from there and mindfuck with his whole body
and soul Eris Kallisti Discordia with no reality tunnels barred."

Hooflonj Poo's comment: One can continue his stroking or turn his hand freely
about on the top of the gland. In either case he should clean his hands
afterwards. I want to ask you legionnaires of the order of dynamic discord,
however: How will you proceed to the top of that pole? Look out!

The man who lacks the third nostril of Chao
Will cling to the smell of the flax heap.
Such a man will not shower after getting down from there and be a disgrace.
Only the blind truly knows how to lead the blinds fortohow
Only the blind can see just as well whether the blinds are drawn or not.

 

Koan XVYI ^--><^-- The Three Gates of Emperor Norton

Emperor Norton had three gates built and made his servants and invitees pass through them. The first gate was a mirrored door. When the sun was shining, it glared into the mirror, momentarily blinding whoever approached the door. In the mirrored door, one saw one's own face while also seeing where one was going. Can one truly know one's face and precisely describe it without using a mirror? Yet, while one needed the light to see, wasn't one blinded by the light?

The second gate was shaped like a tomb and lead down a spiral staircase. When one grabbed the doorknob, all lights went off on both sides of that second gate. One wanted not to touch the knob but one can not open a door without grabbing the knob. When the light shut down, one wished for light again, even though one had just the previous moment wished for the blinding of the light to stop. Tell me O you discordians, do you think that when the light shut down one was seeing in one's mind the image of the first gate, one's own face reflected in the mirror before the blinding of the light, or was one seeing the second gate shaped like a tomb glanced at just prior to the lights going out?

When one reached the third gate, all was back to normal. All was back to normal when one reached the third gate and stepped into Emperor Norton's home?

Hooflonj Poo's comment: Whoever can pass the three gates will be standing face to face with an Emperor. Whatever happens about hir, he will now know what discordianism is, otherwise, it means hir is a cabbage or a greyface"

A momentous revelation is always momentary.
All moments in time are all as long.
When one comprehends the length of a moment,
That everything is always only ever lived in a moment,
One realizes why the light can be blinding and why the darkness can be eye opening.