1It has come to the attention of Goddess Eris Kallisti Discordia that some Discordian Disorganizations have been showing a lax attitude towards means of detecting cabbage infiltrators.

2 As all discordians know, the FBI  has been training cabbages to disguise themselves as human beings in order to infiltrate ranks of Discordian Disorganisations for the profit of the Bavarian Illuminati’s attempt to undermine the disorganization and to allow Greyface to locate members and FNORD them back to the ultimate Rorschach.

3 This does not pose any threat in any way to Goddess Eris Kallisti Discordia or to the Erisian Movement since for any discordian lost to Greyface or to the Bavarian Illuminati, their greyface counterpart body will revert back to enlightenment, seeing FNORDs, and all, and all, and all.  However, it could be rather annoying for the individual member in question. Particulalry if it happens to be you.

4 Although one would not really notice.

5 For this reason, Goddess Eris Kallisti Discordia reminds all Discordians that they should never skip an occasion to have other discordians dance naked with their fellows standing around observing every inch of their body

Things to look for in attempting to identify a cabbage dancing naked include :
6

• If any body part appears excessively flatulent or small to the point of appearing useless. This is often referred to as shrinkage, small man’s curse in men, ironing board or flat chest syndrome in women. This is an indication that the cabbage’s human disguise is incomplete;
• Variations in size of body parts, for example a body part starts out small and becomes bigger, or vice versa . This is often referred to as swelling, erection in men or headlights-on-the-high-beams syndrome in women. This is an indication that the cabbage’s human appearance is not stable;
• Any cabbage-like feature or leaf. This is why it is customary to cure one’s teeth using a floppy disk ¹ before performing the dance in order to ensure no seaweed or other green or veggie like remainder got stuck in one’s dentition;
• The dancer is ugly and getting naked does not help.

8 Cabbage has been selected by the FBI as an infiltration mode because it is the physical «being» whose brain wave most closely approximate the vegetative pulse of the average Man.

9 The brain waves of women more closely approximate the vegetative pulse of cucumbers . However, FBI cucumber infiltrations of women have never been successful given that women know what to do with a cucumber, whereas men have no idea what to do with a cabbage.

10 This of course does not imply that women should be exempt from dancing naked while fellows stand in a circle observing every inch of their body.

11 As you know, a cabbage could take form of a man and then that man could transform into a woman since we are all woman anyway. Because a woman cannot be infiltrated by a cabbage does not imply that a cabbage cannot disguise itself as a woman. Let’s keep our common sense here.

12 Sub-normal individuals are more likely to be cabbage infiltrators since disguised cabbages usually try to keep a low profile in order to not be identified. Anyway, cabbages are not known for their great taste, creativity, or humour so beware of boring people, they may be Greyface of Bavarian Illuminati infiltrators from the land of Thud disguised as cabbages.
 
 

Notes
 

1 (go back)  In honour of Lao Tzù (See let me please intoduce myself).