I believe in Eris, daughter of void, mother of chaos. I believe in the Discordian movement. I believe in the prophets Malaclypse the younger and Omar Khayyam Ravenhurst: stoned in the sixties; drunk on Virgin Marys; suffering under Jim Garrison; published, out-of-print, and published again; bowled a few frames at the Brunswick shrine; popped bad acid and met Eris Kallisti Discordia’s envoy Sneppah Tihs, the monkey; were given the Holy Chao to contemplate and contend themselves with; wrote the Principia Discordia. Maybe I also believe in Robert Anton Wilson and his various factual or fictional incarnations but then maybe I don’t.

I believe in the Principia Discordia, the Paratheo-Anametamystikhood Of Eris Esoteric (POEE), the dictates of the Pentabarf, the inevitability of the law of fives, the guidance of the pineal gland, the omniattribution of popehood and a few more unnameable yet essential well known facts. I believe in the Apocryphia and in the 144,000 myriad other Discordian prophets, some stoned, some drunk, some just plain weird, irrational and eristic prophets discordant before any words were written or sung.

I believe in the Holy Chao, the symbolic union of order and disorder, who proceeds with the pentagon and the Tao. I believe in Eris and Aneris who together are worshiped and glorified, who both rambled and ranted through the mouths, pen and keyboards of the Prophets. I believe in one holy chaotic and apostatic church. I acknowledge one Batman and the remission of Robin and I will look for the DVD at a retailer near me.

For like, as we are compelled by the Discordian levity to acknowledge every person for Hirself to be good and deserving, so are we warned by the Discordian movement to avoid going grey, illuminated or to immanentize the eschaton. I believe the lies of the world that was to be lies, the leis ot he world that is to be lies, and the lies of the world to be to be lies. I believe in the Esoteric, the Eristic, the Erotic, the Heretic, the Heroic, the Hermetic, the Memetic, the Onanistic, the Logistic and the primordial Penguin. In short, I believe.

While I believe, the Discordian movement does not believe anything written or sung, particularly this creed, for it is true and truth shall set you free and freedom will send dread down your being and dread makes it hard to come, relax and be here and now. The Discordian movement is a bowel movement. All is real, nothing is permitted. Do thy stiff. DIY.

Don’t you get it? Do you believe that? Consult your pineal gland. Or not.