Two tourists were driving through Louisiana. As they were approaching
Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town.They
argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the
counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee, "Before we order, could you
please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we
are...very slowly?"
The blonde girl leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrrrrrr, gerrrrrrr,
Kiiiiing."
A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3-year old daughter:
Mother: "What does the cow say?"
Child: "Moooo!"
Mother: "Great! What does the cat say?"
Child: "Meow."
Mother: "Oh, you're so smart! What does the frog say?"
The wide-eyed little 3-year old looked up at her mother and replied, "Bud."
Chad wasn't too happy with his doctor's recommendation to cure his constant
fatigue. "You want me to give up sex completely, Doc?" he cried. "I'm a
young guy. I'm in the prime of my life. How do you expect me to give up
sex and go cold turkey?"
"Well," replied the doctor, "you could get married and taper off gradually..."
The kindergarten class had settled down to its coloring books.
Willie came up to the teacher's desk and said, "Miss Francis, I ain't got
no crayons."
"Willie," Miss Francis said, "you mean, "I don't have any crayons.' You
don't have any crayons. We don't have any crayons. They don't have any
crayons. Do you see what I'm getting at?"
"Not really," Willie said, "What happened to all them crayons?"
How can you tell which bottle contains the PMS medicine?
It's the one with the teeth marks on the cap.
"Well, I do have a double room with one occupant - an Air Force guy,"
admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell
you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have
complained in the past. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you."
"No problem," the tired Navy man assured him.
"I'll take it."
The next morning the sailor came down to breakfast bright-eyed and
bushy-tailed.
"How'd you sleep?" asked the manager.
"Never better."
The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring?"
"Nope, I shut him up in no time" said the Navy guy.
"How'd you manage that?" asked the manager.
"He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room," the sailor
explained.
"I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, and said, 'Goodnight,
beautiful,' and he sat up all night watching me."
So one morning this blonde calls her friend and says "Please come over and
help me. I have this killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to
start it."
Her friend asks "What is it a puzzle of?"
The blonde says "From the picture on the box, it's a tiger."
So, the blonde's friend figures that he's pretty good at puzzles, so he
heads over to her place. She lets him in the door and shows him to the
table where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a minute, then studies the box. He then turns to
her and says:
"First, no matter what I do, I'm not going to be able to show you how to
assemble these to look like the picture of that tiger."
"Second, I'd advise you to have a cup of coffee and put all these Frosted
Flakes back in the box."
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