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Copyright R. Canter 1997

reprinted from BCCA magazine #135 by kind permission of the Editor
minor revisions by R. Canter (2001).

Thompson's Dilemma (A Warning)

by Ron Canter

     We used to have a chap called Thompson in our chess club, and he took the game very seriously. He wasn't a particularly strong player, but had dark brown eyes and a piercing stare - a bit like Tal's - which many people thought was worth pawn and move. If you got into a conversation about openings or endgames with Thompson you could look forward to at least half an hour of serious and intense discussion.

    One night he came into the club and announced that he had taken up correspondence chess; a competition had just been started by his trade union. Three players, each to play a game against two other players, were required to form a team, and Thompson had persuaded two of his workmates to participate. They weren't regular players, but Thompson had assured them that he would keep them right if necessary. This was in the days before email chess and moves had to be sent by post using a score card with provision for the addresses of yourself and your opponent. After writing your move on the card you popped it into a window envelope so that your opponent's address was displayed, put on a stamp and posted it; your opponent then replied by reversing the card so that your address appeared in the window.

    For a few weeks Thompson brought his games to the club and would sit and analyse them, showing them to anyone who expressed the slightest interest.  After a while everyone kept well out of the way while Thompson analysed his games, and it seemed to take him longer and longer each week.  I discovered that Thompson's colleagues had soon tired of postal chess and wouldn't play any more.  Rather than drop out of the competition, Thompson had taken over their games as well as his own.  I suppose six games aren't too many to handle but they seemed to be too much for Thompson.  He would sit in the corner of the club room, produce a sheaf of envelopes and move pieces around the board with the appearance of a juggler trying to manipulate one object too many.

    This went on for several months, and then one night I was careless enough to let myself be drawn into conversation with Thompson. I felt rather like that chap in the poem about the Ancient Mariner as Thompson told me about his dilemma:  "He holds him with his glittering eye ...  He cannot choose but hear."

    It seemed that all of the games were going reasonably well, and then complications had arisen in one of them. Thompson had achieved what he considered a favourable position and was quietly confident of winning that particular game, until he made a serious blunder. He had received the game through the post and quickly spotted a strong move.  Having marked it on the score card he posted it the next day; unfortunately he put the card into the window envelope the wrong way round and posted it to himself.  The game consequently appeared on his doormat the next morning and Thompson, somewhat confused by playing more games than he could cope with, carefully played it through and made a move.  He then posted it off, to his opponent this time, not realising he had replied to his own move.

    Thompson's opponent, who perhaps was also new to postal chess, received the game, played it through and made a move, unaware that he was now playing as White in a game he had started as Black.

    The game went on for a while until Thompson's opponent suddenly realised that he had changed sides. With his next move he enclosed a note to Thompson saying, "Hey, wasn't I playing as Black when we started this game?".  Thompson, after some investigation, saw what had happened and wrote to explain to his opponent, at the same time proposing that as the game now appeared to be level they should continue as it was - to avoid complications ! (Thompson had presumably neutralised his own strategy.) The opponent agreed and thus the game continued until the date for adjudication was reached.

    Thompson was now feeling very aggrieved as he was material down with a very poor position.  He was reluctant to resign and so had sent the game for adjudication with a letter of explanation which went something along the lines of:

Dear Sir,

    I feel that some explanation is required in respect of the enclosed game. It was started by A. Smith but was taken over by me after a few moves. I started this game as White and soon achieved a winning position. I am now Black, with a lost game ...

    Somehow I managed to keep a straight face while Thompson was telling me his tale of woe, but I must confess to breaking down several times as I was telling it to my friend on the way home.

    Shortly afterwards Thompson left the club and we never did find out what happened, but rumour had it that the adjudicator defaulted both players on the grounds of an impossible and insoluble position, then retired from chess, a broken man. Needless to say, Thompson's dilemma has entered into the folklore of our club, and if anyone thinks the atmosphere is getting too serious he has only to mention Thompson's postal game to cause instant merriment. I still burst out laughing about it sometimes at home, much to the disgust of my wife who thinks chess is a silly game.

    So before you send off your postal chess moves, always make sure that you are still playing the colour that you started with. And if your opponent is called Thompson, double check (usually a good move anyway).

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Copyright R. Canter 2000

Thompson's Gambit

by Ron Canter

(The reader may care to have a chess set by him, as the story contains a game played by Thompson and the moves can be followed as the tale unfolds.)

    Some people thought that Thompson was accident prone, and various happenings in his eventful life seemed to bear out that opinion. Certainly, many things of a somewhat physical nature occurred to him during his time and frequently they impinged on his chess career, often with startling results. The events which I am about to relate must have been one of the most traumatic episodes of his history.

    Thompson's day started badly, although this was not an unusual occurrence for him. Now married, he lived in a village just outside the town and commuted to work each day by bus . On this particular occasion he was waiting for his bus and idly watching some birds pecking at a pie which somebody had dropped on the pavement, when a large alsatian dog came up, scared off the birds and started eating the pie. Not wishing to see the birds deprived of their meal, Thompson picked up some pieces of the pie and threw them up on to the roof of a shed on which they had settled, so that they could continue their repast. The dog, being of an aggressive nature, took exception to this and began to menace Thompson, barking ferociously.

    Thompson was pinned against a wall by the beast's attack and it was fortunate that the dog's owner heard the commotion and emerged to call off his pet. After threatening Thompson with extreme violence if he ever frightened his sensitive animal again he retired indoors, and Thompson turned round to see his bus at the stop. Not wishing to be late for work, Thompson broke into a run, intending to jump on to the bus, but failing to notice that there was a lamp-post between him and the vehicle. Unable to stop, Thompson crashed into the lamp-post and rebounded into the road where he lay for several seconds, dazed and bleeding. Some of the passengers saw what had happened, and being regular commuters used to Thompson's antics, picked him up without undue ceremony, and installed him on a seat, where he felt sufficiently recovered to carry on to work.

    On arrival at the office, bloodstained and slightly dazed, Thompson was fussed over by the lady members of staff and after a day of light duties and numerous cups of tea (a normal day for Thompson according to some cynics) he felt strong enough to proceed to the chess club after work.

    At the club we were naturally concerned on seeing his cuts and bruises, and after hearing about Thompson's exploits we felt that he should stick to friendly games, but he insisted on playing his scheduled tournament game with Bill Grimshaw. Bill, like most club members, had a nickname, and was affectionately known as Grimmers - partly due to his surname, but also because of his habit of grimacing whenever it was his turn to play and he was considering his move. On this night he was destined to really live up to his sobriquet.

    Grimmers was a little reluctant to engage in a serious game in view of his opponent's accident, but Thompson insisted on playing, and so they set up the board for their game. When they sat down, Thompson's eyes seemed to glaze over and instead of his usual alert posture he slumped casually in his chair. As the game commenced we saw a strange new Thompson who trotted out his moves without pausing to think, playing with a sort of steely nonchalance that was completely out of character. There was a surprise for Grimmers straight away when Thompson eschewed his normal Polish opening of pawn to queen knight four, and played pawn to queen four. Bill replied pawn to queen four and was somewhat astonished when the response was pawn to king four.

    A frisson ran around the room as people started to realise that something unusual was happening, and Grimmers' facial exercises went into overdrive. Not one to refuse a challenge, Grimmers took the king pawn and Thompson, who had never played a gambit in his life, replied with knight to queen bishop three. Grimmers defended with knight to king bishop three and Thompson's immediate response was pawn to bishop three. By now a few people were watching the game, including the club's openings expert, a small schoolboy with huge glasses, inevitably known as Specs, who announced that the opening was a Blackmar-Diemer Gambit.

    Grimmers, with an expression worthy of Quasimodo himself, took the pawn and Thompson replied with knight takes pawn. As Grimmers moved pawn to king three, Specs announced that black had played the Euwe defence. Thompson moved bishop to queen three, and Grimmers decided to pin the knight with bishop to knight five.

    Without hesitation Thompson coolly castled and after some thought, and considerable exercise of his facial muscles, Grimmers played bishop takes knight. Thompson, who had gone for a stroll round the room, returned and retook with pawn takes bishop. Grimmers castled, and Thompson replied instantaneously with bishop to rook three.

    At this stage Grimmers was feeling slightly unnerved, partly by Thompson's unexpected opening and partly by his strange demeanour. It was as if he was playing a completely new and unknown opponent, and to compose himself Grimmers decided to get a breath of fresh air outside. After playing rook to king one he walked out of the room. Thompson again replied without seeming to think, moving knight to king five, and while waiting for his opponent to return Specs tried to engage him in conversation about his opening, but without success. Although not rude, Thompson would not converse and his only response was a vague smile.

    Grimmers returned and after some thought played queen's knight to queen two, which was met immediately by queen to bishop three. Thompson wandered off again as Grimmers pored over his position then played knight to knight three - perhaps not the best move but Bill was feeling decidedly disorientated and having difficulty in concentrating. He told me afterwards that it was like playing someone from another planet - which is perhaps an apt description of Thompson.

    Thompson made his way through a crowd of spectators to get back to the board and with barely a glance played queen to rook three. Alive to the threat of rook takes knight and mate on rook two, Grimmers rapidly moved pawn to king rook three, only to be faced with knight takes pawn on bishop seven.

    Bill felt he had little option but to take the knight with his king and Thompson immediately played the obvious queen to rook five, check. King to knight one seemed the only move but Grimmers was then shattered by rook takes knight, and after a tentative rook to bishop one Thompson completed the demolition by rook takes rook pawn, and black had to resign.

    A buzz of excited conversation arose when the game had finished, but Thompson remained oblivious and had to be prompted when Grimmers asked for another chance to play against his Blackmar-Diemer Gambit, or BDG as Specs knowledgeably abbreviated it.

    The second game opened as before until black's fifth move, which was bishop to knight five - the Teichmann defence, as Specs informed us - but to no avail.  After seventeen moves Grimmers was forced to turn over his king in resignation.

    The contestants played several more games, all of which became gambits by Thompson who did not once hesitate before making a move, and all of which he won decisively.

    At the end of the night the club broke up and several people were ready to give Thompson a lift home, but he had already left. A few days later Thompson's wife phoned me to say that he had been in hospital, but was now fully recovered. After the chess club he had not returned home, and at midnight had been discovered wandering in a daze in a nearby field. Mrs. Thompson knew nothing of chess and had thought he was having some sort of mediaeval hallucination as he mumbled about knights, castles, queens and bishops. Thompson was taken to hospital, where concussion was diagnosed, and he was not allowed home, but after a couple of days he had returned to normality (insofar as such a state could ever be achieved by Thompson) and returned to the care of his long-suffering wife.

    Next week at the club Thompson was astonished to be told that he had beaten Grimmers as he had no recollection whatsoever of playing him. When told that he had played several gambits he vigorously denied this, saying that he never risked gambits - they were much too complicated. He insisted that somebody else must have played the games and indeed, the Thompson we saw that night was not the man we knew. Thompson could not be persuaded that he had been involved and was convinced that he was the target of some sort of stunt by Jumbo Pratt, the club joker.

But there lies another tale.

The Blackmar-Diemer Gambits were recorded by Specs and are given below.

Thompson vs Grimmers                           #1

Thompson vs Grimmers                           #2

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HOW TO RESIGN GRACEFULLY

by Bill Wall

    Do you play on in a dead lost position because you don't know how to resign gracefully to your "lucky" chess opponent? Do you feel embarrassed to resign too soon with a large crowd looking over your shoulder? To admit defeat because you were outplayed or that your opponent is better than you (never mind his higher rating; you have always been underrated) is unheard of in chess. I have never seen a chessplayer whose eyes were not gleaming with murderous revenge after losing.

    The act of resigning gracefully is an art few have mastered. In theory, the simple task of resigning gracefully consists of gently, but firmly, picking up your king and laying him on his side while simultaneously saying, "I resign" in a distinct manner. You then extend your right hand and congratulate your deserving opponent for a fine game, shaking his hand with dignity and pride.

    In practice, however, other methods of resigning are more commonly employed. One popular method when using your opponent's pieces is to gently, but firmly, pick up the king, then hurl it as far as you can across the tournament room, knocking the rest of the pieces over, while simultaneously saying a host of profanities in a wild and crazy manner. The opponent's board sometimes comes crashing down his head as an extra gesture of a well fought game.  Another gesture of the and and middle finger may follow.

    Another popular method of resigning is the extension of the right arm towards your opponent. At first, the gesture looks like a friendly handshake. But as the arm gains momentum, the open hand becomes a closed fist gaining acceleration towards the nose of the unsuspecting opponent. For hypermodern players, both arms are extended towards the opponent. The hands stay open but placed around the neck of the opponent who is then shaken vigorously until the opponent's face turns a dark blue color. Usually, the tournament director intervenes at this point to make sure the game is over.

 Here are some guidelines for chessplayers on how to act after a hard-fought game of chess.

FOR THE WINNER

FOR THE LOSER  

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Copyright R. Canter 2000

Thompson's Battle

by Ron Canter

    Since the story of Thompson's Dilemma was told, several people have asked me if there are any other Thompson tales to be related. This took me back to the time when Thompson first appeared at our club after moving to the North East from the Midlands. During our first chat with him he told us that he had once played the "Grandmaster of Lincoln" and although unable to beat this distinguished personage, had given him a good run for his money. We were also informed that Thompson often played the Polish opening (pronounced as in shoe polish) and as black he usually essayed the Grundig defence if allowed.

    As I reflected, other incidents in Thompson's colourful membership of our chess club came to mind ......... Thompson and the stuffed turtle, Thompson and the exploding crutch ........., but perhaps it is time to tell of Thompson's Battle.

    You may recall that Thompson took his chess very seriously and this extended to passing comments on other people's games. This, together with his habit of punctuating his remarks with a sort of grunt (something like "mmphh"), was liable to cause extreme annoyance. One member of the club, a genial Irishman named Paddy O'Connor, was particularly disturbed by this habit of Thompson's and on a memorable occasion it became too much for him.

    Paddy was engaged in a championship game with Banger Haswell when Thompson appeared beside the board and started to make comments.  After a while Paddy politely asked Thompson to desist but this had no effect and after an exceptionally annoying sequence of "Mmphh, I wouldn't have done that" and "Mmphh, didn't think much of that" Paddy lost his rag.  Emitting a stream of Irish curses which considerably enhanced the vocabulary of those within earshot, he leaped to his feet, seized Thompson by the lapels of his jacket and dragged him into the cloakroom next door.  For a couple of minutes various gasps, grunts and thumps came from the room, but nobody else dared enter. Then there was a resounding crash resulting from the two combatants knocking over the free standing coat rack as they struggled with each other. This seemed to bring the fight to an end and shortly afterwards Paddy and Thompson reappeared breathless, flushed and dishevelled and were given a strong talking to by club chairman Arthur Silk, informally known as Acker due to the similarity of his name to that of a well known virtuoso of the clarinet who was popular at that time.

    The proceedings were then further enlivened by the appearance of a shapely young lady dressed in a judo outfit.  She had been sent up from the downstairs martial arts club to ask if the noise could be kept down as they could not hear their instructor as he explained to them how to throw people forcefully to the ground then break their limbs and dislocate their joints. (Strangely enough we in the chess club had never heard a sound as these vigorous exercises took place beneath us.) Nobody was inclined to argue with the lady as she was wearing a black belt (although one of the younger members was heard to remark that he wouldn't mind grappling with her on the mat), and profuse apologies were given by Acker.

    Acker then got everyone back to playing chess and things gradually settled down, although it was a while before Thompson and Paddy got their breath back and rearranged their clothing - Thompson had lost several buttons and Paddy's tie was torn. Thompson went home shortly afterwards and Paddy resumed his game, which he won in a few more moves as his opponent had completely lost concentration.  Banger was afterwards heard to remark that he didn't mind losing, as it was the most entertaining chess game he had ever played in.

    For weeks afterwards club members would challenge each other by raising their fists in a pugilistic stance and aggressively asking "Wanna play chess?" but the irony of this was lost on Thompson who instead of holding people in lengthy conversations about endgames would endlessly relate to anyone who was unlucky enough to be buttonholed by him how he had torn Paddy's tie.

    But that is not the end of the story. Two weeks later the draw for the next round of the championship was made, and sure enough Paddy's opponent was to be none other than Thompson. Acker, a man of instant decision, immediately announced that in view of previous events this game would be played in a separate room in which two boards would be set up with a partition between them and he, Acker, would personally convey the moves between the two participants, thus preventing any physical contact between the players. Spectators would be allowed, but not within six feet of the game.

    In due course everything was set up, the playing area was roped off and an electric atmosphere built up as a crowd of spectators waited expectantly. It was a bit like a boxing match as first Acker appeared and then the two contestants were separately led in and escorted to their seats. After a brief pep talk to each player by Acker, the clocks were started and play commenced.

    Both players concentrated on their boards and Acker was kept very busy trotting backwards and forwards as they quickly made their opening moves. Then things slowed down and Acker had to keep asking the onlookers to remain silent as they began to kibitz the game.  Paddy built up an attacking formation but Thompson defended well and the game seemed about even when Acker made a drastic error.

    Thompson's Knights were on adjacent squares and when Thompson moved one of them in a solid move, Acker moved the wrong Knight, which happened to be preventing checkmate, on Paddy's board. Paddy spotted the mate immediately and punched the air in triumph as he picked up his Queen to administer the coup de grace. Unfortunately the air he punched was occupied by Acker's head as he realised his mistake and leaned over the board to correct it.

    Half stunned, Acker reeled into the partition and knocked it over on to Thompson's table, scattering chess pieces on to the floor. Thompson jumped up in alarm, knocking his chair over as Acker sank to the floor, shaking his head in attempt to clear it, then shouting in pain as he knelt on various chess pieces. Paddy dashed round and tried to help Acker up, but Acker, still unsure where he was, thought he was being attacked and wrestled Paddy to the floor where they thrashed around. By then Thompson had come round the table and tried to part the combatants. Nobody knew whether it was Paddy or Acker, but a hand reached up, grasped Thompson firmly by the throat and dragged him down to the ground where he too became embroiled in the struggle.

    At the same time the spectators at the back pushed forwards to see what was happening and propelled those at the front into the ropes and then into the three figures scrambling on the floor, resulting in several of them falling over, causing a general tangle of ropes and bodies. Perhaps I should earlier have compared the scene to a wrestling match, as it resembled nothing so much now as one of those battles where the ring is filled with numerous wrestlers committing mayhem upon each other.

    Then things started to get out of hand.  The door opened and a crowd of judoka from downstairs erupted into the room, asking where the action was and offering to sort out any troublemakers. Within seconds several innocent bystanders, who admittedly were making a lot of noise, found themselves in various chokes, strangles and arm locks as the martial arts students enthusiastically took the opportunity to put into practice the teachings of their instructor. The size of the group on the floor increased dramatically as various people in white suits and coloured belts threw themselves into the fray.

    Fortunately Acker had recovered his senses and managed to extricate himself, and with a masterly show of authority defused the situation and restored order before anyone suffered permanent damage. It was with some disappointment that the martial arts students returned to their class, although I noticed Thompson being helped away by two sturdily built girls. We later learned that Thompson had sustained an injury to his back and went downstairs on the promise of some Japanese style treatment. The chess game was declared a draw by Acker as nobody was in a fit state to play after all the excitement, although it was some time before people went home after discussing the evening's events.

    The following week Acker resigned as Chairman. The martial arts instructor had been so impressed with the way Acker had calmed everyone down that he had offered to train him as a referee.  Acker had accepted as he felt this was less dangerous then keeping order in a chess club and in fact went on to have a distinguished career refereeing judo, karate and kendo matches with great authority.

    Thompson still came to the chess club, but not so frequently, as his lady friends had persuaded him to join the judo club after curing his back injury by the esoteric method of walking up and down on his spine - he could hardly refuse after such intimacy. His conversations were now centred on various judo techniques, which left his unwilling listeners puzzled and even more bored. I remember on one occasion when he managed to trap me he related how, in a contest with a lady friend, he had attacked her with an ogoshi and achieved hiki waki, although I was not brave enough to enquire as to the meaning of this. On one occasion he came to the club proudly wearing a green belt which he had just won in competition in the judo club.

    Two of the judoka became members of the chess club, probably in the hope of more violence, and developed into fine attacking players. They always charmed their opponents by bowing to them before starting play, and then bewildered them by saying "Hajime" which apparently means begin. It was some time before we persuaded them not to give a judo cry of "Hai!!" when administering checkmate as this disconcerted their opponents who would often reply "Hello?" in some confusion.

    Such were some of the quieter nights at our chess club during Thompson's sojourn there. You should have been there when it got noisy.

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CHESS HOROSCOPE

par Bill Wall

ARIES (Mar 21 - Apr 19)

    You are the pioneer type and hold most people in contempt. You are quick tempered, impatient, and scornful of advice. You are not very nice. You play chess with dead people. People can't wait until you are dead. You like to take back moves and don't like touch move rules unless it's your opponent who tries to take back a move. You should sell insurance. Buy WorldCom stock. Avoid passed pawns. (Korchnoi, Smyslov, Portisch, Kasparov, Najdorf)

TAURUS (Apr 20 - May 20)

    You are practical and persistent in your chess games. You show no original thought. You have a dogged determination and work like hell to win, but you lose a lot of games. Most people think you are stubborn and bull headed. Sometimes you play chess with God. You are not very good at the endgame. You get into time pressure alot. You think astrology is a bunch of Taurus. Move your pawns with caution. Avoid back rank mate. Let others risk thier own pieces. (Spielmann, Steinitz, Euwe)

 GEMINI (May 21 - June 20)

    You are a quick and intelligent thinker and like to play speed chess. People say you are too boring. You are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are cheap. You have this hidden desire to beat up your father for pushing you into chess. Most of your games are won by swindles. Pick up the pieces from the floor when you lose and the game is over. Go home and start collecting stamps. (Karpov, Reti, Short, Kamsky, Petrosian)

 CANCER (June 21 - July 22)

    You are sympathetic and understanding to your opponents and you give up draws to easily. Your opponents think you are a sucker. You are always putting things off. That's why you'll never make anything of yourself. You like to take poisoned pawns. You think playing 1. f4 is for the birds. You like gambits. You like to be pushed to the limit. Push back and push your pawns forward. Tune out advice from others; it will only get you mated sooner. (Bird, Benko, Gelfand, Anderssen)

 LEO (July 23 - Aug 22)

    Your determination and sense of humor will come to the fore. Your ability to laugh at your opponents for making bad moves will be a blessing because you've got a day coming you wouldn't believe. You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are pushy. Most Leo people are bullies. You are vain and dislike honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieves. You expect people to throw gold coins at you everytime you win a game. You don't like to analyze your games with your opponents. Leave the blitz games to others. Laugh, love, and learn. Let others blow smoke in your face while you turn the other cheek. Castle long. (Judit Polgar, Marshall, Botvinnik)

 VIRGO (Aug 23 - Sept 22)

    You are the logical type and hate disorder. This nitpicking is sickening to your friends. You are always adjusting your pieces. You are cold and unemotional and sometimes fall asleep while making love. You are good at blindfold chess, but have a poor memory at everything else. Resentment and jealousy will only turn obligation into torture. New chess strategies will soon become apparent after you lose all your games. Take up music and remember, pawns are the soul of chess, but queens are more fun. (Philidor, Zukertort, Koltanowski)

 LIBRA (Sept 23 - Oct 22)

    You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with reality. It's hard for you to accept losses or that you won't make it as a chessplayer. Your desire to play good chess is overshadowed by your desire to be nasty and a decent meal. Someone is watching you, so stop staring back at your chess opponents. You suffer from penis envy. You are obsessed by flies on your head. Trust that your seconds will be there for you and analyze your position while you are sleeping. Explore your romantic side. See a shrink. Fianchetto your bishops. (Fine, Rubinstein, Ehlvest)

 SCORPIO (Oct 23 - Nov 21)

    You are shrewd and cannot be trusted. You will achieve some success at the chess board. You may develop a drinking problem later in life. You lose games to idiots because you get too over-confident. You like to accept gambits, but you always lose being a pawn down. Avoid the endgame. You have many secrets to share with only a few people. Like being a Nazi. Answer questions with other questions until your curiosity is satisfied or when you pass out drunk. Remember, a knight on the rim is dim, but a rook on a7 is heaven. (Alekhine, Nimzovich, Tal, Tchigorin, Capablanca)

 SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22 - Dec 21)

    You are optimistic and enthusiastic when you play chess. You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck since you lack talent. People laugh at you a great deal because you play so poorly. You collect chess books but don't read them. You prefer comic books, especially from Mexico. You do not know how to win with knight and bishop vs king endgame, so avoid endgames and sudden death events. You are a fast player and a fast lover. Get away for the weekend. Go shopping at K-Mart for Martha Stewart checkered table cloths and play chess during a romantic dinner. (Reshevsky, Pillsbury, Blackburne, Timman, Anand)

 CAPRICORN (Dec 23 - Jan 19)

    You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You hate gambits. You don't do much of anything and are lazy. This is why you lose games on time. Opponents will win brilliancy prizes from you. You always end up in 2nd place and never take 1st place. You are a loner, but seem to like it that way. Some areas of your chess life are better left unexplained. Like all the games you threw to those Russians. Friends respect you for saying j'adoube when you adjust your pieces. Indulge yourself. Play in blitz events. (Keres, Browne, Em. Lasker, Teichmann)

 AQUARIUS (Jan 20 - Feb 18)

    You have an inventive mind and are inclined to play original openings. That's because you hate to study openings. You lie a great deal. On the other hand, you are inclined to be careless and impractical, causing you to make the same chess mistakes over and over again. People think you are stupid. You like to kick people under the table. You are a poor loser and easily lose your temper. Go write a chess book. Or a hundred books. No one will read them anyway. Speak up for the timid chessplayer. Say "check" real loud when you get your opponent in check. Avoid isolated pawns. (Spassky, Mecking, Reinfeld, Chernev, Loyd, Gligoric, Taimanov)

 PISCES (Feb. 19 to Mar. 20)

    Look for the good things in life. Carry the American Express card and a weapon. The chess world is yours today, as nobody else wants it. You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being followed by the CIA, FBI or State Department. You have minor influence over your opponents and people resent your flaunting of your chess games. You lack confidence and you are generally a coward. You hate to lose, so give up the game and invent another one. Make random chess moves if you can. Give radio interviews when you can. Help a Jew and remember that moment the next time you feel lonely and useless (which is a lot lately). Take control and find strength with the revelation of your skills, talents, and potential. Go on a diet, but don't eat you chess pieces. You have a tendency of always getting in a bind. Accept all gambits. (Bronstein, Tartakower, Mieses, Schlechter, Geller, Maroczy, Tarrasch, Fischer)

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PAOLO  BOÏ  ET  LE DIABLE

    Paolo Boï, le plus grand joueur du XVI^e siècle, poète, soldat et marin, la personnalité la plus curieuse et attachante, d'une vie mouvementée, est caractérisé par de La Bourdonnais comme «une des existences complètes qui appartiennent aux heureuses et puissantes organisations».  Célibataire aux moeurs irréprochables, habillé avec élégance, comme un jeune homme, avec une belle figure aux cheveux entièrement blancs, d'une taille élevée, bien prise et bien proportionnée, capricieux et fantasque, magnifique et libéral, éloquent et affable, cet homme par sa douceur et son énigmatique caractère, doué de capacités diverses, nous rappelle son plus grand compatriote, et presque contemporain, Leonardo da Vinci. La légende prétend que, dans sa vie errante, il a joué une fois aux échecs avec le diable.

    Devant la porte de l'église de Santa-Maria de C..., de la petite ville de C..., en Calabre, un beau matin de l'année 1570.  Paolo Boï qui était religieux et observait tous les rites, rencontra une fois une jeune fille d'une beauté éblouissante, très brune et forte.  Ses yeux pénétrants et énigmatiques brillaient d'une flamme fiévreuse.  La conversation qui se noua tout de suite entre eux ne tarda pas à se transformer en amitié et Paolo Boï, à son grand étonnement, apprit que la jeune fille jouait aux échecs.

    Son étonnement fut encore plus grand, quand dans une partie engagée, il vit que sa partenaire était d'une force peu banale, faisant des coups extraordinaires.  La lutte devenait de plus en plus acharnée, et, au bout de quelque temps, le Syracusain,se croyant déjà vainqueur, voulut déclarer mat en deux coups à son antagoniste. Mais, à ce moment, à sa grande stupéfaction, il vit la dame blanche de sa partie transformée en dame noire et la belle brune lui dit en riant:

--Non, Paolo, tu ne me gagneras pas, car, maintenant, j'ai une dame, et toi, tu n'en a pas.

-- O, Santa Maria ! murmura Paolo effrayé.

    Et en prononçant ces paroles, il remarqua que, malgré cette transformation, il pouvait encore gagner la partie en deux coups.  La fille le comprit, fronça ses sourcils, sortit de la pièce sans dire un mot et disparut.  Paolo Boï vit bien qu'il avait joué avec le diable...  

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DEATHS OF CHESS PLAYERS

by Bill Wall

Georgy Agzamov (1954-1986) - Russian GM fell between some rocks at a beach and died

Alexander Alekhine (1892-1946) - Choked to death on a piece of meat in 1946

Curt von Bardeleben (1861-1924) - Threw himself out the window of his boarding home

Samuel Boden (1826-1882) - Died of typhoid fever

Efim Bogoljubov (1889-1952) - Suffered a heart attack after a simultaneous display

Paolo Boi (1528-1598) - Poisoned (murdered) in Naples

Mikhail Botvinnik (1911-1995) - Cancer

Jose Capablanca (1888-1942) - Died after watching a skittles game at the Manhattan Chess Club in 1942

Edgar Colle (1897-1932) - Died after an operation for a gastric ulcer

Ed Edmundson (1920-1982) - Died of a heart attack while playing chess on a beach in Hawaii

Janos Flesch - Died in a car wreck in 1983

Nikolai Grigoriev (1895-1938) - Died from appendicitis in 1938

Alexander Ilyin-Genevsky (1894-1941) - Died in the siege of Leningrad while on a barge

Klaus Junge - German army officer killed in action in 1945

Paul Keres (1916-1975) - Died of a heart attack returning home from a tournament in 1975

George Koltanowski (1903-2000) - Heart failure at the age of 93

Nikolai Krylenko - Executed in Stalin's purges in 1938

Leonid Kubbel (1891-1942) - Died in the siege of Leningrad in 1942

Salo Landau (1903-1944) - Killed by Nazis at a German concentration camp

Paul Leonhardt - Died of a heart attack while playing chess at a chess club in 1934

George Mackenzie (1837-1891) - Suicide: took an overdose of morphine

Frank Marshall (1877-1944) - Died of a heart attack after leaving a chess tournament

Alexander McDonnell (1798-1835) - Died of Bright's disease

Vera Menchik (1906-1944) - Died in the V2 German bombing of London

Tony Miles (1955-2001) - Died in his sleep at age 46; he was diabetic

Johannes Minckwitz (1843-1901) - Suicide: threw himself under a train

Paul Morphy (1837-1884) - Died of a stroke while taking a cold bath

Aron Nimzovich (1886-1935) - Died of pneumonia

Louis Paulsen (1833-1891) - Died of diabetes

Julius Perlis (1880-1913) - Died in a mountain climb in the Alps in 1913

Tigran Petrosian (1929-1984) - Cancer

Vladimir Petrov - Died in a prison camp in Russia in 1945

Harry Pillsbury (1872-1906) - Died of syphillis

David Przepiorka - Died in a mass execution outside Warsaw in 1940

Richard Reti (1889-1929) - Died of scarlet fever

Nicholas Rossolimo (1910-1975) - Fell from flight of stairs; died of head injuries

Pierre Saint-Amant (1800-1872) - Died after a fall from his carriage

Carl Schlechter (1874-1918) - Died from pneumonia and starvation

Vladimir Simagin (1919-1968) - Died of a heart attack while playing in a tournament

Gideon Stahlberg (1908-1967) - Died during the 1967 Leningrad International tournament

Howard Staunton (1810-1874) - Died of a heart attack will writing a chess book

Herman Steiner (1905-1955) - Died after a California State Championship game

Mikhail Tal (1936-1992) - Cancer

Mikhail Tchigorin (1850-1908) - Died of diabetes

Karel Treybal - Died a victim of the Nazis in 1941

Alexi Troitzky (1866-1942) - Died of starvation during the siege of Leningrad

Abe Turner (1924-1962) - Stabbed 9 times in the back by a fellow employee at the Chess  Review office

Frederick Yates (1884-1932) - Died in his sleep from a leak in a faulty gas pipe connection

Alexander Zaitsev - Died of thrombosis as a consequence of a leg operation in 1971

Johann Zukertort (1842-1888) - Died of a stroke while playing chess at a London coffee-house

Stefan Zweig (1881-1942) - Committed suicide

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CHESS NAMES

by Bill Wall